Hugo de Savary's – living with learning disabilities.

Archive for the ‘Parenthood’ Category

Laura came home last week for her first Christmas of the year with my parents, it was great especially as she was on good form and Poppy absolutely loved seeing her. Although it would be nice for all of us to spend the Christmas break together as a family, like in the ‘good old days’, its testament to the support and care that she receives, that she wants to spend it at the Old Vicarage. I know across all our homes that those who choose to stay, have a very special and unique Christmas, although this is not always easy to accept, especially if you’re my mother!

The learning disability sector is going through massive changes due to the cuts and I’m aware that it has been several months since my last post. My lame excuse is 2 very young children, sleep deprivation and it’s being very much more about surviving rather than living.

As possibly mentioned in an earlier post, my good friend Thom a veteran father with 2 children told me that the second baby is at least ten times as hard on the parents as the first. I can confirm that in our little experience this certainly has been the case.

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Now 21 months into fatherhood and just under a year since my last post on this subject. Poppy is growing up fast and is no longer a baby, blossoming into a child that walks confidently and talks to the point where at any moment it could develop into proper verbal diarrhoea. She has turned into a little person showering us at different times with her love, anger, frustration and laughter. As we are settling into this routine, our new found relative peace is about to be shaken to bits with the news that Kirsten is pregnant for a second time. We are completely stoked with the news and very excited that we are going to be a family of 4 and that Poppy is going to have a sister – so we have been told, although nothing is being taken at face value, as Poppy was meant to be a boy. Fortunately this time round, I didn’t have to go through any genetic tests as I did last time (See Genetic Denial May 30th 2009)  which has made the pregnancy more relaxed and Kirsten hasn’t suffered from too much discomfort to date.

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Now 8 months into fatherhood and how my life, as a happy go lucky chap has changed from a year ago. Gone are the regular drunken Friday and Saturday evenings spent with friends, gone are the regular outings to the cinema and gone are the random weekends and holidays away mountain biking, sailing, skiing or beach bumming.

Well, I thought this was the case, but until recently, much to my amazement these things are still possible, albeit with some restraint and unbelievably they’re just as enjoyable, if not more than before… probably because there’s a balance to my past hedonistic life and there is no denying there have been some difficult and challenging moments due to sleep deprivation and general weariness that may have contributed to this.

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In our very novice role as parents, Kirsten and I only a few weeks ago had an experience that has shaken us. Poppy only 4 weeks old, had a snivel and an appointment had been made to see the doctor to make sure nothing was untoward. Kirsten noticed just before leaving for the doctors, that Poppy’s breathing had gone shallow, upon further inspection she became convinced that it had actually stopped. Very panicked all 3 of us half dressed (early morning), fled the house for the hospital, leaving doors unlocked and keys behind.

Fortunately we only live a 5 minute drive away from the A&E and up to that point I had not been entirely convinced with the gravity of the situation, but equally was not about to start arguing with maternal instinct. The severity only dawned on me in the car, when I glanced over at Poppy who was in Kirsten’s arms and noticed that she had gone a grey colour and appeared to be going in and out of consciousness. Read the rest of this entry »

After a labour that seemed to go on for an eternity, Kirsten has finally given birth to a baby – and not the boy that we were told  to expect by the doctors. Fortunately for us, we hadn’t paid too much attention to this information and the nursery hadn’t been decorated sky blue. More importantly, Poppy our daughter appears to be healthy and Kirsten, although sore, is making a speedy recovery. Any of the concerns that may have been present during the pregnancy have evaporated, replaced by relief, elation and joy. For me, I’m coming to terms with this new paradigm of stinking nappies, crying and sleep deprivation, but happily can’t stop singing the lyric from the Zombie’s tune of ‘68: Time of the Season…Who’s the Daddy!!?!

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As a young adult, my parents mentioned that I should think about getting a genetic test as there was a higher than normal probability that I might have an abnormality with my chromosomes. At the time it didn’t seem relevant, as having children was a million miles away and being brutally honest, the potential consequences of the results terrified me. So like many young people in a stressful situation, I buried my head in the sand and got on with living in denial.

Fast Forward 15 years the inevitable has happened, my wife and I are expecting a baby – unexpected! My previous denial has caught up with me and there is obviously no choice but to take the test… Read the rest of this entry »